Kingdom Farts
by Shenrin
Summary: This is yet another spoof I made, and, so I don't have to say this later, I don't own Kingdom Hearts or any other stuff affiliated with it. Or Disney. Now just read and review. I am co-writing this with my friend mchmstr.
1. The Dream

"I've been having these weird thoughts lately." The words flashed across the screen. "Like, is any of this for real, or not?" Sora was floating through the air. "Hey, there are words floating up there!" He moved his body around in an attempt to reach the words, but it was over before it started. Sora continued to float helplessly, then fell to the ground. More words told him how to move. (By the way, Sora is a 14-year-old boy who lives on an island, there are three boys and two girls. Sora has a red shirt and huge yellow shoes.) After more words told him how to do more stuff, like throwing boxes and barrels at stuff, (for all those times you have to throw boxes and barrels at stuff) three pedestals rose out of the ground. One of the pedestals had a sword on top, one of them had a shield on top, and the last one had a magical staff on top. Sora, being a crazed maniac, jumped onto the pedestal with the sword almost immediately. Words floated above Sora's head. "The big sword. It's big. Really big. And shiny, too! Oooh, ahhhh." Sora decided to wait to see what the other ones had to say. He jumped onto the pedestal with the magical staff. "It's a magic staff. The blue Mickey Mouse head on top has NOTHING to do with Mickey Mouse. But the other green color, the whole staff, really complements your outfit." Sora didn't want anything to do with a gay green staff, so he walked over to the shield pedestal and jumped onto it. "This is a shield. It's black and red. Really somber colors. Not very happy, not happy at all. But, I can tell that happy is.what happy. oh, just choose me, because happy is what happy does!" Sora looked at the words, confused. "That was random." Sora said. "Yeah," the words replied. "You kinda can't help it, me being some mysterious words and all." In the end, Sora decided to choose the sword. The other two pedestals still remained, so Sora jumped on top of the shield pedestal. "This is a shield. It's blac"- "Yeah, yeah," Sora interrupted. "I've heard all this before, just gimme the shield." "No, you have to give something up this time." "Oh," Sora said, and ran, rather quickly, over to the pedestal with the staff. "It's a mag"- "Yeah, yeah." Sora picked up the staff, and looked at it questionably. "Good riddance!" He lifted the staff up behind his head and threw it off into the distance. "So, you have chosen the power of the sword, and given up the power of the staff." "Yeah, that's what I did, wasn't it?" "Fine," the words said. "Just gimme a break, I have to read off a script here, that's very hard work, you know." Then, a light swirled around Sora and he next saw himself on his island. There were three little kids sitting there, Selphie, Tidus, and Wakka. Sora walked over to Selphie, and she proceed to ask him a question. "Ok, Sora. You have three lifelines left. What year did Michael Jackson eat the liver of a kangaroo?" "Um, what are my choices?" "Your choices are: 1987, the year between 1986 and 1988, or being number one." "I'm gonna go with being number one, Selphie." "HE'S RIGHT! You know why? KANGAROOS DON'T HAVE LIVERS!" Sora turned around and walked up to Wakka. "Hey, sexy," Wakka said with the gayest voice. "Here's your question, you hot hunk of a boy. How many bricks are in the lower left section of the Great Wall Of China? Your choices are 34, 900082, or to see rare sights." "I think, hmm. I think, I think it's to see rare sights." "HE'S RIGHT! YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A WALL!" Sora walked over to Tidus. (There's something you should know about Tidus. He's blind, and uses his walking stick as a weapon, also.) "Hey, Sora. Here's your question: How many nerve endings are there in the brain of an ant? The choices are: 7, 8473937, or getting old." "I choose. getting old." "HE'S RIGHT! YOU KNOW WHY? 'CAUSE ANTS DON'T HAVE BRAINS!" Sora walked to the center of the platform. The words hovered above him. "So, you have chosen "being number one", "to see rare sights", and "getting old". Sora then appeared back in his dream world place. "Ok, this is getting pretty gay. Someone pinch me. PINCH ME!" Three little black creatures, called Shadows, popped up from the ground. "Now we're talking!" Sora drew his sword and hacked the crap out of them. Stairs appeared off the ledge of the platform he was standing on, and lead to a new platform. Sora walked up the stairs to the new platform. "You know," he said, as he was walking up the stairs, "this staircase is impossible because it has no support from the ground." Sora, standing in the middle of this new platform, noticed that his shadow was growing bigger. "Whoa, this is some crazy @#$%!" The shadow grew and grew and grew and grew and grew until it was a big black monster, not that I'm racist or anything. 


	2. Destiny Islands

The big black monster stood there for a second, and then proceeded to beat the living crap out of Sora. "Ow, um, sir, do you know that that hurts?" The monster continued to beat Sora up. "Ow! Ok, you asked for it." Sora drew his shiny sword from thin air (how come video game characters are able to pull stuff out of thin air?! That always happens, and it's not fair), and leaped at the monster's hand and started to beat it senseless. In the end, Sora killed the monster, but it still sucked him into the floor, and Sora woke up on the beach of his island.  
  
"Wake up, silly!" The voice rung in Sora's ears. "HEY! I SAID GET UP! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU?! GET THE @#$% UP!" Sora, like any person, got the @#$% up. "Jeez, Sora. You could sleep through a thunderstorm that sweeps around at night and almost breaks our raft!" The girl, whose name is Kairi, stood there smiling. She is wearing a white shirt and a purple skirt, with big purple shoes. "No," Sora protested, "I was. somewhere, and there were words, and gay staffs, and shiny swords, and this big black thing swallowed me up!" "I need you to get up to help me finish the raft NOW!!" "Sheesh" replied Sora "Can't I just rest a minute from going on a really messed up dream?" "Um, let me think of a nice way to put this" replied Kairi " NO!" During the fight between Kairi and Sora , Riku had snuck up behind Kairi and pounced on the two knocking all three over into the sand. " Hey you two get your big butts off the ground and help me build the raft." "Okay" said Kairi. "I don't want to," said Sora. "I don't care what you want Sora," replied Riku. " Fine," said Sora, his chin quivering as he was on the verge of breaking down in tears. "Let's go on the double!" shouted Riku. Sora and Riku ran down the beach. Kairi was far behind them swinging a cleaver with a deranged look in her eyes as she ran under the small bridge. Somehow Kairi beat Sora and Riku to the small door leading to the raft. Sora walked up to her and asked what supplies he needed to get. " You need two logs, some cloth, and a coil of rope." Sora nodded and ran off down the beach to find the supplies needed for the raft. Sora was thinking about the weird dream that he had had, wondering what it meant when suddenly something hard came flying into his face. "OOWW!" Sora yelled out in pain, "What was that?" He looked down at the ground a saw what almost caved his head in, "Yes, I found a log." Sora picked the log up and put it into his pocket (It's a video game) and went looking for the other supplies. After a while Sora found the last of the supplies needed for the raft. He looked over to a nearby tree and saw Riku sitting on it. "Hey Riku, why aren't you helping build the raft?" "Because we have a raft and a raft needs water." "That's a stupid reason Riku." "Yeah well I'm just lazy that's all," replied Riku. "I know what you and Kairi do during the day." "How do you know," replied Riku with a sense of worry in his voice. "Nothing , absolutely nothing! You never seem to be working on the raft, Kairi is always sending me on useless chores to help build raft that never gets used later on in the game because it gets destroyed when a big monster comes and- Uh Oh. I just gave the story away didn't I?" "Yeah, you did Sora" replied Riku. "Yeah I'm stupid." "Again yes." "Okay I'll be going now." Said Sora as he was pointing at Wakka. Sora ran over to Wakka to see if he could battle him. "Yeah sure, man." "Thanks I need experience points so I can level up and hit that smirk off Riku's face with my wooden sword." "Right man. Show me your stuff, honey buns!" Sora looked strangely at Wakka, and ran over to him to hit him with his wooden sword, but Wakka has a lot of balls: literally. He took one out and threw it at Sora, and it hit him square in the face. "This is gonna be a little tough," Sora said. 


	3. The PowPow Fruit

Wakka pulled out a new ball, arched back, and hurled it at Sora as fast as he could. Sora was prepared, though. He hit the blue-white ball with his sword and the ball burst. "Hey," Wakka whined. "I need that to hurt you!" He pulled out another ball, and Sora ran up to him and five swings off his wooden sword later, Wakka was crouching down by the beach. "That really hurt!" Sora left Wakka to crouch and walked over to Selphie. "Ahh, the breeze feels great!" She exclaimed. "You know what," Sora said. "I don't care. Pick up your whip, and come fight me." They walked over to the beach, and Sora beat Selphie also. Sora decided not to pick on the blind kid, and walked back over to Kairi. "Did you get all the supplies?" Kairi asked. "I got 'em all. Let's go to bed."  
  
Riku, Sora, and Kairi are all sitting on a tree, and the sun is setting. "You know," Kairi said, "Riku has changed." "Um, Kairi, Riku is right here, and we have that conversation later." Sora stated. "Oh, I.um.oh well. Hey Riku, have you thought about this? What if you get to another world? What would you do there?" "I haven't thought about that. All I care is getting out of here, where we don't have to go to school, worry about saving the world, or do anything other 14-year-olds have to do to get on with their lives. I just really wanna go to another world, because I know that they're out there. Who knows what they could be, something like The Torture Cell World, or Saddam Hussein's House of Terror. But, I don't care. I'm just tired of being here. We could have had just as good of a chance as being on the other worlds, so why were we stuck on this one? Why HERE?" Riku took a deep breath as he finished his speech. "You've been thinking a lot lately, haven't you?" Kairi said softly. "Yeah, I guess I have. Let's go. We have a big day tomorrow."  
  
As they are leaving, Riku grabs something. "Hey, Sora!" Riku yells. A star-shaped fruit flies from Riku's hands to Sora's. "A PowPow fruit?" "If two people share one, their destinies become intertwined. They'll remain a part of each other's lives, no matter what." Sora stares at the fruit. "Come on, I know you wanna try it." Riku said. Sora takes one last look at the fruit. "No way." He throws the PowPow fruit off the edge of the bridge.  
  
Wakka, kneeling down drawing a picture in the sand, heard a noise above him. When he looked up, a star fell on his face. "Ooh, a PowPow fruit!" Wakka grabbed it and tore it in half. At that moment, a dolphin made a noise from the water. Wakka ate one of the halves, and threw the other one at the dolphin. The dolphin leaped out of the water and caught the PowPow fruit in his mouth and swallowed it whole. 


	4. Disney Castle Part One

Donald Duck walked down the hall. The music here is very loud and repetitive, he thought. He saw brooms walking the opposite way, carrying buckets of water. "Whoa, that must've been a really good party last night if I'm seeing walking brooms!" Donald exclaimed. He reached his destination, a titanic set of double doors. Donald cleared his throat, and knocked on the door. A smaller door opened in the lower left part of the left door, and Donald Duck walked through. "King Mickey really needs to get this fixed! No Disney character is that tall," Donald whispered. "Good morning, your majesty! It's nice to see you this morn-WHAT?!" Pluto, the orange dog with a little stick for a tail, peeked out from behind King Mickey's throne. He had an envelope in his mouth, and it was sealed with a green sticker in the shape of Mickey's head. Donald Duck rushed over and ripped the letter from the envelope. As he was reading it, his eyes were making a squeaky noise. Donald, clearly annoyed, smacked the side of his head and the squeaky noise stopped. At the end of the letter, Donald screamed and ran outside of the castle.  
  
Goofy, the captain of the knights, was sleeping next to a hedge, wearing his knight's armor. Donald rushed up towards him and yelled at him. "Wake up Goofy! This is serious!" Goofy showed no sign of waking up. Donald kicked Goofy lightly. Goofy continued to sleep. Donald kicked him harder. "GOOFY! WAKE UP!" Goofy still slept. Donald, being the head magician, used a thunder spell, and directed it at Goofy. Goofy finally awakened from his peaceful slumber. "Why, hello Donald!" "Goofy, we have an emergency! But you can't tell anybody!" "Not even the queen?" "No!" Donald screamed. "Daisy?" "No! It's top secret!" Goofy leaned over and looked over Donald Duck's shoulder. "Why, hello, ladies! Did you have a good time at my house last night?" Daisy Duck looked at Goofy in disbelief. Donald Duck turned around, and saw Queen Minnie and Daisy Duck. Donald shrugged as Daisy and Queen Minnie put their hands on their hips and looked at Donald questioningly. 


End file.
